Thankful Thursday // All The Things.

It's been a while. Too long really. *Waves at screen!* I've had many a draft sitting there since I disappeared at the end of January; too tired to switch on and write, too tired to feel guilty for doing so. To be honest, the start of this year has been quite testing, I've lost myself a little and it's only really now I'm coming together again. I wanted to take some time to come back, read some books (so many books!) Watch some Netflix and spend some time resting. The cold evenings and even colder mornings have driven me to the comforts of hot baths, snuggles under blankets and pyjama attire whenever I'm not outside. A couple of days have been spent hands in the earth, making sense of the overgrown mess that my garden has become over the winter months. It's been good for me. Thinking about what the future holds for the rest of the year and with a little perspective under my belt, here's some things about myself that I'm thankful for...and totally unapologetic for being so...

• Being Strong: When shit gets tough, I'm like a rock. Yes I may cry whilst watching an episode of DIY SOS but when the proper grown up, horrible shit happens, I seem to grow 10ft tall. I'm proud of myself for that.
• Being Sensitive: In the totally opposite way, I'm starting to realise to stop apologising for being sensitive about the 'small things'. It's something I've been judged for before and I think we as women, feel we have to apologise for that sometimes? Well fuck that from now on, I'm sensitive because I care, I've got a great big heart and I hug like a unicorn, so there's that settled.
• Curiosity: If I could learn something about everything then I'd be happy. My Netflix binge has been a mis-match of documentaries, from art fraud, bees (obviously), to cane toads and space. It's been amazing.
• My Ass for Looking Amazing in my Wedding Dress: Because I'm not the greatest fan of my body but it looks pretty. fucking. great.
• Wisdom: Someone recently said to me that wisdom is something that only comes with age. I've thought about this a lot and I agree... to an extent. I know plenty of people older than me that are quite simply naive and I personally think wisdom is something that comes from life experience, how long you've been alive doesn't make you wise.

That's about enough self gratification for today I think. I've missed you all. How is everyone? I currently have over 650 missed posts to catch up on reading so expect a little comment spam! In the mean time, please go ahead and pop recent posts in the comments and I'll get to nattering with you even sooner!

Over & Out

Sophie

P.s. I don't actually steal forks, but Curb Your Enthusiasm is one of the best programmes ever made. WATCH IT!

Sunae Goes Euro

There's a lady right over on the other side of the world who's captured my heart. In our little community we were all living through Sunae over seven weeks as she bravely, inspirationally and amusingly traipsed herself around Europe. If you haven't followed, head over to Instagram and look under #sunaegoeseuro (which she reminded me that I actually thought of!) and get yourself up to speed with this little Aussie treasure. You may already know her as Little Foal, or maybe you've come across more recently, her midwifery themed blog, Life En Caul. It blows my mind how through writing in this little space on the internet, you can come across real life people who actually are just as great as you hope and think they will be! Ignoring the few who muted 'but what if she's actually a murderer?' I was overjoyed when she told me she'd pay me a little visit in Cornwall-land. 

The best thing about Sunae (and trust me, there's loads- she's a total babe) is that we're pretty much exactly the same. Though she only stayed for three nights, it honestly felt like a lifetime that we'd known each other. Possibly something to do with the fact that we barely breathed for air from talking  so much, possibly because we could not say a word and be thinking exactly the same thing. We squeezed in as much as you can in Cornwall during winter (I'm sure she didn't realise quite how much I meant Cornwall shuts down for winter but discovered this when she couldn't get food past 3pm or cake in the evening!) Still, a few long walks, a trip to Eden Project (which needs a separate post because it's one heck of a photo heavy day!) and cosiness galore, we lapped our time together and when it came to waving her off at the train station like some 50's film noir, I sobbed all the way home (and some!) because it felt like a little part of me had left.

There were only a couple of things Sunae wanted from her time in Cornwall; a couple of new places to take pretty photos of (and ended up teaching me in our own language how to use my camera's manual settings!) The other, to try some traditional Cornish foods. The obvious choice being a delicious and PROPER Cornish cream tea (Jam to cream ratio and layering is important stuff ya'll!) and a proper pasty (which I didn't get a photo of because I blinked and she'd devoured it.) 

There's something really rather special about being so comfortable with a friend who you've only known online,  in real life, after less than 12 hours together, being able to look at each other and say 'Yep, you're in my life for good now.' Making plans for the future together, talking about the past and generally learning those little things that cement a friendship, I could honestly talk about her for days and days (and will most certainly be doing so!) So stay tuned for more Sunae adventures and love letters addressed only to her. 

Over & Out

Sophie.

Oh and if you'd like to know a little more about the super places photo'd above, check out Lanhydrock here and Charlestown here.

People Are Not Poetry.

{People are not poetry by Erin Hanson- See more work here}

I've always found writing cathartic. What sometimes comes out, however, can often be more of a ramble. This may be one of those times. Bare with me.

I'm a people pleaser, always putting another ahead of myself. It's been that way for as long as I remember; maybe through life experience more than a conscious choice. Until now, I've mentally struggled with doing so, not so much physically. Almost two weeks ago now, after a day that it's not too appropriate to go into detail about now. My body caught up. An ambulance was sent by order of a late night doctor (or maybe I should mention, the last of the nine doctors I ended up speaking with that evening) and it's put a lot into perspective.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen over the festive season, I shared the poem above. It resonated with me at the time as someone who always tries to fit into every box: loving fiancee, great daughter, a young professional and even a caring friend. It wasn't until over the last week, when I've sat under a blanket thinking a lot about who I am, what I want and how to make it happen, that this poem filled my mind time and time again.

People are not poetry. We don't always fit perfectly into every box, shape, expectation that is wanted from us and from others. For the first time, I feel like that's ok. When I was signed off work, the word 'failure' stuck to me like the glue of my own mind and I've struggled to get it un-stuck. I probably judge myself harsher than I should, but I'm trying to learn that my expectations aren't realistic or even healthy. I'm an awkward person, my hair might not always (read ever) sit neatly, I cancel plans that I want to keep because my health, physical or mental, can stand in my way. Instead of berating myself over it quite so much, I'm trying to treat myself with a little more respect and compassion than I have in the past.

I have so much to look forward to this year and it's about time I dedicated some time and more importantly, love to myself.

As always, would love to hear back from anyone who's similarly a busy-body, a worrier, awkward or judgemental of themselves.

Over & Out,

Sophie.

Tis The Season To Be Jolly.

Well that's Christmas all about wrapped up for another year. Did you all have a good one? I'm currently weighing up the pros and cons of changing out of my pyjamas (I've been debating this for approximately four hours though!) I sort of disappeared about a week before Christmas; my days merged into one long session of darkness, trains and cookie decorating (notice how there is no evidence of said cookies- how bloody hard is it to use royal icing!?) In a whirlwind of working and Christmas prep, there's only a few people that I didn't manage to squeeze in. Is it just me or once Christmas day comes, all the stresses building up to it just seem to melt away. We had a wonderful day; starting in the morning with my parents and Bimble (I got him fake tattoos and a moustache to make him into a strong man and as you can see, am far more excited about it then he is!) The afternoon was spent in the kitchen with Harps's grandparents and early evening we feasted before coming home and sitting with Batman to open gifts. The last few days since have been a slower, much needed rest. Hands up if you're ready to go back to work? No, me neither.

Over & Out

Sophie 

Batman Diaries #11 Batman At Christmas.

Batman has grown to love Christmas. This being his third one, he revels in the papers to chew, tree to play with and attention he gets. It's the only time of year he stays a little bit more still to be able to take photos. It's almost as if he's in awe of the tree; glittering and glowing in an evening. He has his own little stocking that hangs on his hammock but really he's more interested in pine cones (I keep a few at the bottom of the tree for him to play with) and opening his presents (and everyone else's) before the big day. 

Merry Christmas 

Love Batman Xx