Saturday, 27 September 2014

List of Fears: Including Leona's Favourite Story of Being Sick on a Physiotherapist.


Having a blogging catch up earlier in the week, I came across the lovely (and recently married- Congratulations Becky & Rich *flails excitedly*) Becky Bedbug's 'My fears and phobias' and was immediately intrigued. Our mutual buddy, Leona once mentioned to me her fear of Edward Scissor hands (sorry for mentioning him Becky) and compared us as mutual 'weird fears people.' Inspired by Becky's honest and insightful post, I decided now would finally be the time to reveal myself as the scardy cat that I am...Don't judge me...

1) Feet- Ok lets start with the biggie. Feet (including my own) have scared me for as long as I can remember. Feet in socks/toed shoes are fine but outside of their barriers, those fuckers are out of control. All wiggling and twitching on their own makes me feel sick as I type this..don't even get me started on the toes! This leads to the story that Leona likes to tell people when she introduces me..."Hey this is Sophie, she's scared of feet and once was sick on a physiotherapist."..This is true. I've had troubles with my knees for a long time, you know how bambi walks when he's born? That's basically how I walk as a full grown adult. So the doctor sent me for some physio. I didn't know what to expect but as I sat on the examination table, lying down like I was about to get a massage, thinking to myself 'well this isn't half bad' the CRAZY physiotherapist grabbed my feet, sending my ballet pumps flying and well panic swelled inside me.....I vommited...all over her...and the floor. The poor woman didn't see it coming! I didn't see it coming, I wasn't prepared for her and she certainly wasn't prepared for me. I never went back. 

2) Mannequins- When they have features. Seriously, what is that about? Why do they have to look like they're going to come to life and grab me and take me to their frozen people palace? Why do they need hands and feet? Mannequin feet are totally unnecessary and a danger to us all. 

3) Large Spoons- This is another of Leona's favourites. I haven't eaten with a spoon larger than a teaspoon in about 15 years. They scare the hell out of me. I'm sure I either had a dream of watched a crazy episode of Goosebumps where the spoons were sharpened and then when people put them in their mouths it cut them all up? Probably not Goosebumps but I have been petrified ever since. I'm convinced that they're going to cut my mouth open and sever my tongue. Not dramatic at all. Even at fancy restaurants I'll either use a fork or if it's not too fancy, ask for a teaspoon. 

4) Arnold Schwarzenegger- This man is not human. And I'm sorry, I don't mean it in an internet trolling kind of way. I just have absolutely convinced myself that he isn't a real person but the first of the cyborgs, being tested out by the government to live in disguise. The way he moves, talks, his expressions definitely show the mechanics working under his 'skin'- all of it really really scares me.

5) Lorries Going Past Me- The most recent of my fears, this started after the 'knockout by branch falling off a lorry' earlier this year. Now whenever a lorry goes past me and whether I'm walking or in a car etc, I flinch and duck for cover. Like a total weirdo. 

6) Death- Finally not such an unusual one. I'm sure many people are afraid of death. I'm not particularly scared of myself dying but more-so of the people that I love. It's not as bad as it used to be, I used to panic whenever I heard an ambulance and if people didn't update me that they were safe I'd have a super freak out. Now I quietly worry for these cherished people's lives and they've all got used to my fretting. 

7) Vehicles- If I ever refuse a lift in your car, please don'e be offended. I'm an incredibly nervous passenger. To the extent that I really would just much rather walk in most weathers/situations then get in your car and then ghost brake at every turning. It's not you, it's me. I'm much better when I have my travel safe rock that Leona gifted me a few years back when it was really bad. I just don't understand why we can't go back to horse? 

8) Medium/Large Spiders- I have this theory that the small spiders can survive because they're babies and they get a warning to get out of my house/vicinity. If they'e big, they're grown up and should really know better, and I'm sorry to tell you that those are the ones that don't survive. Harps tells me that this isn't how spiders work and that some are just big ones are some are just small. Pffft, what does he know? Get those invading buggers away from me. 

So there we have it...I think. I've got to say, writing this has made me feel a little ill, I think it's time for a lie down. Do any of you have any unusual fears? Does anyone out there share my own irrational totally legitimate panics? I'd love to have a fear friend!

Love Sophie Xx